2010 – May 31 (Thanks for following)

  • You unfollow me as soon as I follow you back and then you DM me saying, “Thanks for following!” Wtf? Even the Dalai Lama is perplexed…
  • Kirstie, taste my balls! #4WordsBeforeDeath
  • The Gulf oil spill is clearly starting to affect the price of Vaseline, because today, Walmart even hiked the prices on imported spit.
  • I don’t want to ruin the happy place where your mind is at right now but chances are that one of your 72 virgins will be Justin Bieber.
  • Seven trout in the fridge for tonight’s dinner, and I swear to God; one of them looks just like Lindsay Lohan!
  • I can’t for the life of me remember the password to megaboobieandbacon.com, so screw it, I’m also taking the day off.
  • “Inflamed urethra” sounded really sexy when the triage nurse said it.
  • It’s just a regular Monday in Canada – lots of pleases and thank yous, and Nickelback. Enjoy your Memorial Day off, you bastards.
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