- You unfollow me as soon as I follow you back and then you DM me saying, “Thanks for following!” Wtf? Even the Dalai Lama is perplexed…
- Kirstie, taste my balls! #4WordsBeforeDeath
- The Gulf oil spill is clearly starting to affect the price of Vaseline, because today, Walmart even hiked the prices on imported spit.
- I don’t want to ruin the happy place where your mind is at right now but chances are that one of your 72 virgins will be Justin Bieber.
- Seven trout in the fridge for tonight’s dinner, and I swear to God; one of them looks just like Lindsay Lohan!
- I can’t for the life of me remember the password to megaboobieandbacon.com, so screw it, I’m also taking the day off.
- “Inflamed urethra” sounded really sexy when the triage nurse said it.
- It’s just a regular Monday in Canada – lots of pleases and thank yous, and Nickelback. Enjoy your Memorial Day off, you bastards.
