- I have a great spelling, shrimp, Kraken joke once the oil start washing up on the shores. DM me!
- This sponsored tweets thing is awesome! Only 15,000 more and I can BUY some Christmas shoes. Damn you all!
- Sponsored tweet: ‘We have nothing to do with anything at any time – we play Bejeweled® 2.’ (British Petroleum board of directors)
- Sponsored tweet: ‘Yes, it’s Satan that puts the zits in those places where you need tiny little fairy fingers.’ (Oral Roberts University)
- Peeing pointing it down is sooo much easier. Thank you Jesus for saving my marriage!
- Oh, heavens! I think I just wet myself… Ok, I spilled the beer… But still awesome!
- For you enquiring: No, I didn’t get lucky tonight. Well, it’s raining so the garage door can’t be painted tomorrow, so, yeah, still married.
