- Scaredy Potter and the Lumber of Secretions. #SadChildrensBooks
- One Fish Two Fish Dead Snitch Glue Dish. #SadChildrensBooks
- Tomorrow, I’m putting on fleece and bringing out the axe. There’s nothing like a man with almost all his toes chopping firewood. Ladies?
- For all of you dressing up as a 17th century pirate or wench this Halloween, remember, you don’t have to smell like one. Thank you.
- I just Photoshopped Oprah’s breasts on to a picture of Nicole Kidman riding a donkey. Could one of you pick up my son at school? Thanks!
- Our big-bosomed neighbour is getting ready to do yard work, so I ran over there and left a skipping rope on her driveway. Now we wait…
- Rule: If she wears knee-high boots and you sport a Maroon 5 t-shirt, she’s still ‘single’ no matter what you mutter in to your Cosmopolitan.
