- If you are seeing this, I just want to say that I love you more than a fresh, crisp and succulent mango. Also, I love beer. A lot.
- I don’t know about you but I can’t wait to see David Hasselhoff hit the floor on Dancing With The Stars.
- Nice to hear that the Discovery Building hostages are safe. Nothing sadder than CNN showing herpes med ads while tallying a death count.
- Your pregnancies… Germany’s invasion of Poland… I bet Lance Armstrong’s last nut on the fact that it all started with a backrub.
- I promised my girl that if she keeps up with her guitar lessons, I would buy her any electric guitar she wants. The joy! I have beer money!
- My 5-year-old is starting hockey this Friday… If you hear: “Watch my boy’s head, he’s the only one that knows where I saved my porn!” Me.
- What all your ex-boyfriends have told about you: “Yeah, I miss her mom’s banana bread.”
- What all your ex-girlfriends have told about you: “Yeah, I would say he was well hung if he were a possum or an armadillo.”
- It’s so hot and stuffy in Montreal that hookers are crawling in to car trunks for shade.
- I give up! There’s just no romantic way to gift-wrap a rubber fist.
