- One of my single friends is scoring big on Lavalife… Me? I just scored big raiding my kid’s secret candy stashes! Skittles! Fizzy!
- I love blondes on blondes, brunettes on blondes, redheads on brunettes, balds on redheads, balds on… Ah, fuck it, this will take too long.
- The last time I withheld sex from myself was when driving up to Ottawa in a crazy snowstorm, last Christmas, because I had kids in the car.
- WTF Seconds. Definition: The time it takes a man to realize that he has accidentally peed on his feet.
- My daughter has Justin Bieber as a ring tone on her cell again. Yeah, she’s hoping for a “daddy-rage-upgrade”. Nice try! Fool me once…
- Does Jolie-Pitt buy teenagers? I have one. Cheap. Cheap. No returns.
- “No car wash, wiper fluid or lottery tickets, just the gas! Ok, fine, Snickers… Cashews… Beef jerky… You bastard! Red Bull? Muffin…”
