- You know your relationship is in trouble when she loads her vibrator with batteries from the TV remote, alarm clock and your pacemaker.
- You know those prosthetic perky nipples you can buy? Well, I don’t need them when walking in to Best Buy.
- Time for a shower. I smell like a Karaoke bar after a Tom Jones theme night.
- Whenever I hear a Mexican talking excitedly, I always imagine him explaining food, soccer or that someone is stuck in a barbed wire fence.
- I had a snooze after breakfast and dreamt about butterflies. I have to say, they are into some really sick and kinky shit.
- Forgive me Twitter, for I have sinned. It has been four days since my last tweet. Because, you know… weed and Sudoku.
