2010 – September 30 (Loads her vibrator with batteries)

  • You know your relationship is in trouble when she loads her vibrator with batteries from the TV remote, alarm clock and your pacemaker.
  • You know those prosthetic perky nipples you can buy? Well, I don’t need them when walking in to Best Buy.
  • Time for a shower. I smell like a Karaoke bar after a Tom Jones theme night.
  • Whenever I hear a Mexican talking excitedly, I always imagine him explaining food, soccer or that someone is stuck in a barbed wire fence.
  • I had a snooze after breakfast and dreamt about butterflies. I have to say, they are into some really sick and kinky shit.
  • Forgive me Twitter, for I have sinned. It has been four days since my last tweet. Because, you know… weed and Sudoku.
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