- I enjoy art but the hobby that brings me the most joy is to secretly plant trading cards of oiled-up WWF wrestlers wherever I go.
- Remember high school when English teacher bend over with boobies in your back and always tell “watch you grammer!” what that all was about?
- To parents! Do you think it’s okay to let my 5-year-old watch The Lord of the Rings or do you think Elijah Wood will give him nightmares?
- Before the digital age, “a useless app” was the brain cells you had already fried with vodka. Just saying.
- I love hearing: “Oh, yeah, plough me, you hairy bastard!” But in ancient Aramaic: “Ohs, jozha, limon cello, lei danny devito!” #Confessions
- Rumour has it that whenever Paris Hilton is arrested, the police only needs to shake her by the shoulders to complete a body cavity search.
- I’m secure in my masculinity and need my wife to be strong and independent when visiting her mother. Because you know, poker with the guys.
