- People, you may call me crazy but I think I just turned down sex… in a parallel universe!
- I cry when I think about all the tap dancers and big-bosomed English Teachers that also must have died on the Death Star.
- Have you ever made a bong out of a tiffany lamp and a ping-pong paddle? No? So, shut the fuck up!
- My wife told me I was too hot and bothered last night on my tarp next to the water heater.
- If Jesus “was all that” he would not only take the wheel but also hide the crack pipe.
- “Oh, my God! Your hands are so soft… Hey, guys, come feel these hands!” AND that’s why I prefer fist bumps to handshakes before poker.
