2010 – September 8 (My high school years)

  • I never had a 4-hour boner. However, I used to have 4 boners an hour during my high school years, in gym, math, English and at funerals.
  • I just aborted my wife’s ficus because it looked goofy. If you object, please feel free to pick it up at the bottom of our driveway.
  • 5-year-old: “Can I have that for a robot?: Me: “What? The chicken bones? Okay, but don’t tell mom and don’t eat glue!” My son is a genius.
  • All your “FUCKLULZ!” ruin my mood when sexting. Also, please type, “brb, getting some lube” instead of, “brb, need to take a dump.” Thanks.
  • I bought my wife one of those rabbits that you women always talk about – where do the batteries go? How long does it live?
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