- Daughter wants a sleepover with some ‘nice’ boys here too. Told her I would “think” about it (like I do before never teabagging a chainsaw).
- Whenever you retweet a quote that even a first grader in Botswana knows is wrongly attributed to Oscar Wilde, I drop kick a guinea pig.
- Woke up in a Pippi Longstocking play tent, and chose to wet myself because I was too afraid to get stabbed in the bathroom by a ginger.
