2011 – April 23 (How to get through Easter dinners)

  • How to get through Easter dinners… When talking to in-laws, imagine them on meth and lighting themselves on fire; best meals ever!
  • When in a “grunt-off” with a person in the bathroom stall next to you; try whale sounds, followed by Swahili tongue chanting for the win.
  • I asked a Ouija board who would win the Stanley Cup, and I got, “I F I N G E R Y O U R A S S W H E N Y O U S L E E P.” Ha! They don’t work!
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