2011 – April 7 (Fart in the face)

  • When asked if I would like a soon-to-expire-apple-pie, I drive up to window number 2 and fart in the face of whoever sticks their head out.
  • Got an email from a hot Russian woman asking me if I want to buy her panties. Reply, “Is your name Olga?” Yes! “Fucked you in Oslo… No!”
  • You delete a tweet so people won’t see your dumb-ass typo, you fix that one, and introduce a new one so dumb you have to cut yourself? That!
  • I paid my daughter $1.00/minute to ice the puppies neutered scrotum because her way of saying “Ewww!” is funny as hell – wish you were here!
  • I like Tina Fey… but I think I would start worshipping her if she was pregnant with a kitten that Jennifer Aniston could adopt.
Share
This entry was posted in Tweets. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

* Copy This Password *

* Type Or Paste Password Here *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>