2011 – August 31 (Highlight of Labour Day)

  • The highlight of Labour Day is when the man in a three piece suit climbs down the chimney after midnight, asking me to pull his finger.
  • When I’m in utter despair, I channel surf commercials for feminine hygiene products featuring smiles and dancing. They give me hope.
  • Pro tip! Apparently, it’s still “sexual harassment” even if you are holding a tambourine when caught naked in the women’s bathroom stalls.
  • If my wife gave me a spanking every time I said something stupid or offensive or nothing at all, I would be a very happy man.
  • Wife does the splits at the same time as Iron Chef Morimoto breaks down crustaceans on TV, and you decide to order a seafood pizza. Bad!
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