2011 – February 1 (Immaculate conception)

  • Dear Pope, ‘Immaculate conception’ is why we have a Jesus and ‘ejaculate conception’ is why we have all the Palins? Please DM. Thanks.
  • I put a star on my own tweet and it was great! Now, I feel all dirty, like that time when I abused a sock that turned out to be grandpa’s.
  • Friends, I was just now offered a book deal in a DM! Quick! Could you please teach me about spelling, grammar and STDs in Arctic wildlife?
  • Thanks to Pilates, I can now gracefully hobble from the computer to the beer fridge and back, with my pants around my ankles.
  • The scented candle no longer smells like cinnamon. Curiously, my farts do. Life is magical.
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