- Maybe I’m getting old, but I think porn is getting creepy. I long for the good old days with Falcon Crest and Little House on the Prairie.
- Wife is hitting an Irish pub with her girlfriends. Told her: ‘Expecting a blowjob or some steak and kidney pie when you walk in.’ Love pie!
- Son: “Steve said in school, his dad bench-presses 240 lbs.” Do you what that even means? Son: “No…” He makes babies with Josh’s mom, son.
- My daughter’s braces were tightened today. Her chimp-like grimaces are sooo cute! She keeps crying even though I remind her every 5 minutes.
