2011 – February 25 (Super market fruit aisle)

  • If soft hands were a ‘thing’ – women would ask me to touch their junk, instead of me having to perv it out in the super market fruit aisle.
  • My hands are so freakin’ soft that when I touch myself – I think of you! Yes, really – you! In bar fights, I’m the guy with the skin lotion.
  • You know in porn, when she unbuttons them all and yanks his jeans down? Totally unrealistic! Where’s the box of wine, tears and the begging?
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