- For my Queensland flood affected friends – stay safe!
- Friends star misspelled tweets… The rest of you – fuck you! If caught in a blizzard, just star and steer – not too tricky! Go!
- “Well, sexually, I don’t find you too repulsive.” #KeshaPickUpLines
- Guys, whey you were on the 9th hour of your Cialis erection, did the slutty nurse at the doctor’s office call you back? No, mine either…
- Yes, dear follower, I would love to be the spokesperson for PETA…. What is the pay and do I get a hat with flaps and a glued on decal?
- Recent research shows that children that were spanked have shorter attention spans than those that… something… something.
- Ladies, smoothly removing a bra is a lot of pressure for guys! Especially, when they are wearing yours and you pull up on the driveway.
- Porn bots, come get me! My pants are around my ankles and I have a credit card in one… hand.
- Those upskirt porn sites are fake or Japanese women are really, really, really fucking stupid. The down-blouse sites though – awesome!
- Nothing like a bad sci-fi movie to remind you that your life is brilliant, even without teleporters a̶n̶d̶ ̶r̶o̶b̶o̶t̶s̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶t̶i̶t̶s̶.
