2011 – January 19 (Paris Hilton’s gynaecologist)

  • I bet Paris Hilton’s gynaecologist can fist a rotting buffalo carcass without throwing up.
  • I miss summer, khakis and my orange polyester vest… Oh, and pretending to work at the pharmacy, harassing people in the KY & condom aisle.
  • It’s truly life… Every time a fat chick does the splits, a Maxi Pad loses its wings.
  • My daughter is on a high school ski trip – 3 days AND 2 nights of fun. Luckily, her group is chaperoned by the stoner art teacher. *shudder*
  • Even when I shape-shift into a lactating black goat before answering door, I’m asked to join. This is why I don’t trust Jehovah’s Witnesses.
  • I need and a spiritual healer to bring me some J√§germeister.
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