2011 – January 30 (So much funnier)

  • Sorry, fellow Favstar addicts, if we all had had 9000+ followers, we would all be so much funnier…
  • Our puppy is chewing on a tube of glitter glue and I’m doing nothing about it… That’s how much I love your Favstars! #Priorities
  • “Should I be worried? Does this scab look okay to you?” Probably the main reason why I haven’t bedded any of my wife’s four nurse friends.
  • “Well, there it is! It’s so cuuute!” Ladies, it always ruins the mood – stop it!
  • “Your daughter – sweet! She babysits?” Yes! I also taught her how to cut the main artery anywhere on the human body. Hello? Wher’ you going?
  • I have been on Twitter so long now that I can easily tell by your timeline what you drank and/or smoked last night.
  • If your Twitter user name includes the word ‘Jesus’, ‘Love’ or ‘Bieber’ – no need to DM an unfollow – you shouldn’t have been here anyway!
  • I can’t suck my own cock, but the older I get, the closer I can get to my balls. That makes me experienced, right? Please say, ‘yes!’
  • My daughter’s now horrible maimed boyfriend fired up my work computer without asking.
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