2011 – January 7 (Cuddles with his new Xbox)

  • Guys, “Emotionally unavailable” means “Cuddles with his new Xbox” or some crap, right?
  • I just butter-fried the salmon skins of the best lox I ever made. Eating it now. Christmas and Happy New Year crap ends in 3 minutes. Hurry.
  • You know you are getting old when you are afraid to smack your mother-in-law’s ass because it might cause a hip fracture.
  • My brain just auto-completed “Whatever you want, hunny buns…” to “Leave me alone, bitch! I’m on Twitter!” and now I’m the asshole!
  • The parking lot at Best Buy is still packed… What’s wrong with you people!!!? Some of us just want to drop in and shoplift an HDMI cable.
  • It’s been awhile. Carpal Tunnel Syndrome due to my “at least one orgasm per day” New Year’s resolution. Not giving up! Wife just left.. BRB!
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