2011 – July 1 (Not regarded as a compliment)

  • “Hey! You have some lip-smacking titties there, officer!” is not regarded as a compliment, even on Canada Day. Apparently.
  • Little secret about me… I have a compilation of grunts and moans by female tennis players for when I need to get off quickly.
  • I don’t mean to brag but I’m already drunk and wearing my moose hide thong; ready for a beautiful Canada Day BBQ at the pool.
  • I met an off-leash wolf-hybrid this morning. I instinctively shit myself and reached for my nonexistent sword. Saved by last night’s tacos!
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