- I have seen, felt and smelt the wrath of God, and I’m still standing! I believe God doesn’t know about Crocs. That was fucking scary.
- I don’t believe in God even though I was 8 meters away from a lightning strike, but I do know my dry cleaner will do a good job tomorrow.
- Why I love women: (1) They smell nice. (2) They feel soft. (3) They think different. (4) They have boobs! (5) No fist bumps…
- I held on to his ears and rode Ronald McDonald like I crazed Mongol, and made all the moms at our local McDonald’s smile when I was tasered.
- ‘Tampon-plug-thingies’ are selfish and against nature… Ladies, just let the demon inside of you go. Your dude will love you for it.
- My dream lady can do the splits without spilling a drop of the 8 ounces of Jägermeister she’s holding in her belly button.
