2011 – July 3 (‘Jesus’ in your Twitter name)

  • If you have the word ‘Jesus’ in your Twitter name, I will follow. You know… just in case.
  • How do you wash the jizz out of cheerleader pom-poms? Asking for a friend. LOLJK! It’s me! Please, my wife will be home in 45 minutes.
  • Rubbed my daughter’s Chinese-made Smurf doll all over my balls and waiting for my wife to walk in and feel sorry for me. Oh, God! It burns!
  • I’m on Favstar’s Top 50 Funny! Crazy chicken dance! And then I saw that Dalai Lama is waaay ahead of me. You people star the weirdest shit!
  • I have had a brutal hard-on for over three hours now. I even used it to change the muffler on our car. I’m scared! I need a hug.
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