2011 – July 8 (Feed the animals whatever you want)

  • My dream zoo has signs that say, “You may feed the animals whatever you want!” and “Please, feel free to pet our dwarfs and gingers!”
  • A ‘reverse cowboy’ with a hooker having a three foot Mickey Mouse tattoo on her back, is not worth it, no matter the discount coupons.
  • My teens… My first pimple on my ball sack, thinking it was a venereal disease! LOL! The bearded gym teacher didn’t even touch me there.
  • With my wife and kids out of town, I have watched so much porn that even seeing a crack in the sidewalk gives me a hard-on.
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