2011 – June 8 (Approached by wondrous women)

  • Yes! You are approached by wondrous women when out with your cute dog, but 9 times out of 10 you are carrying bags of dog shit…
  • Oh, any guy applying to be my hairdresser’s boyfriend needs to learn to “keep his fucking mouth shut”. Oh, should have posted on Facebook…
  • She cuts my hair… Her asshole-useless-old-boyfriend is “missing” for over five months! Promised I would get the word out. Guys, DM me!
  • Our puppy is pretty smart and I hope by the time my wife’s CFL seasons opens, I will have him trained not to bark at porn pop-ups.
  • Yeah, I’m a suck! Wife convincing me to try for a boy is the best idea she ever had until last week’s, ‘one TV remote EACH in the bedroom.’
  • Thunderstorm! Soccer is cancelled! Not sure who to thank as I prayed and covered myself in pigeon blood. I guess that’s how they get ya’…
  • Had beers… Coaching my 6-year-old’s soccer soon… Not worried, kids listen when I start by crying and calling their moms demon zombies.
  • There’s nobody I wouldn’t use as a human shield to get away from bees, or imaginary bees… I lose a lot of friends in the summer.
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