2011 – March 1 (Scrumptious steak)

  • For my birthday dinner, I had a scrumptious steak… I would have sucked the cook’s balls, but my scrotum was too tight – couldn’t reach.
  • I haven’t lost hope! It’s quite possible that the hot vet will do me in the morning when I take the puppy in for his slimy Pink Eye, right?
  • When married, don’t ask for ‘anal and quiet time’ for your birthday – you’ll end up with ‘lube, a garden gnome and a family at the movies.’
  • It’s my birthday and I’ll cry and cum in a sock if I want too! Not sure if I want too… because it’s pretty sad without Star Trek reruns.
  • I gave David Hasselhoff the cheese burger… I’m getting Charlie Sheen a Rubik’s Cube or a sword. Either way – awesome!
  • When my wife hits menopause – I can take the remaining tampons back and kick the grinning Walmart greeter in the nuts. It is the law, right?
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