2011 – March 21 (Rogue burning oil tanker)

  • I would have sex with Anderson Cooper if were on a rogue burning oil tanker on a collision course with a church in Utah. Unbelievably hot!
  • Dear Best Buy, I will stop shoplifting printer ink when it costs less than weapons-grade plutonium. Thank you for your understanding.
  • Donald Trump’s creepy son on The Apprentice looks like something cloned from the bottom Kleenex in the garbage can.
  • Twitter is 5 years old? With all the coked up ramblings of egomaniac celebrities, it really feels like 1.2 billion years.
  • When my ego swells, I walk in to a random mall elevator and tell dick jokes… or I try to post something meaningful on Twitter. It works!
  • I’m back! Yeah, a St. Patrick’s party got out of hand… No “biggie” but the cops still didn’t like my dick on the hood of their patrol car.
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