2011 – March 24 (Wife squeezes her boobs)

  • You know you are married when your wife squeezes her boobs together, your first thought is, “I bet she’s hiding a chicken wing!”
  • It was all fun and games until grandma took off her bra and dropped the boobs on the landmine.
  • I’m not gay but have tried homoeopathic therapy for my knee. Not great… I only forgot about the pain when his fingers were in my ass.
  • They say you get tingly when touched by Jesus. They say you go to hell if killing him. Think about that next time a stranger grabs your ass.
  • Ever been so high that you stuffed an imaginary pipe and then lit your chest hair on fire? No? So, shut the fuck up!
  • My wife’s monitor broke so I got her a new, bigger, one. A thanks? No! Only a, “Omg! 2 extra inches really makes a difference!” Bitch!
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