2011 – May 14 (Found in Osama bin Laden’s compound)

  • False alarm! The “porn videos” found in Osama bin Laden’s compound were merely videos of Keanu Reeves eating bananas.
  • Saddens me when you rag on marriage! We are not in it for the sex! There’s also…. and… and also fresh banana bread on Sunday mornings!
  • During sex, my safe words: Flicking the TV channel to DIY Network and yelling, “Holy shit! Look at those bathroom decorating ideas!”
  • Seriously… Love my daughter and would never try to hurt or enter a room she’s currently in because her PMS is too scary and unpredictable.
  • My daughter is thirteen and told her mom that she wants a nose piercing but is afraid that it will hurt too much… when I rip it out.
  • Bikinis are almost here… and I have been working hard on buffing up my lazy eye since eggnog season – feeling good about summer 2011.
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