2011 – May 22 (My finely manicured nails)

  • Back to bed… Kids are playing Wii – wife is still sleeping. The plan is to scratch her ass with my finely manicured nails. Wish me luck!
  • The cougar next door was purring when I peed on the apple tree in the backyard, so I poked her with a stick. Yes, that’s how married I am.
  • Yes, my foreskin is intact! Please, don’t go all creepy on me now… soap? And yes, your mom taught me how to use it when I was only 26.
  • There’s no escaping the evidence – horrible sunburn on my forearms, forehead and foreskin. Yes, summer has finally arrived in Montreal!
  • You make one ping-pong table joke and people unfollow…What’s that about?
  • I’m not a genius… but if you don’t want your man to cheat on you = anal… or buy a ping-pong table and let him beat your ass every night.
  • You know when you finger and go down her and she sprays your caveman hairdo in to an Anthony Hopkins hairdo – that’s good, right?
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