2011 – May 24 (Married before dating sites)

  • I got married before dating sites… so, yes, curious to know if my wife would still have picked my drunk ass over a serial killer.
  • Seeing newlywed men sobbing and hyperventilating in to paper bags really builds up my appetite for the meatballs and lox at IKEA.
  • I don’t have a “man cave”… but everything hidden in the old gym bag up in the rafters behind the water heater is all mine!
  • You know when you grab a boob in the middle of the night and she moans… so you slap her ass before you remember the sunburn? That.
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