2011 – May 31 (Married and no longer stare at boobs)

  • I’m married and no longer stare at boobs – it just takes my brain a few extra seconds to process what they are when they stand straight out.
  • Our Spanish-speaking neighbours have yet to mow their lawn. Afraid they will ask me to ask my wife to do it because they got me drunk once.
  • Central air repairman – $85/hr. Still here! He wouldn’t be so smug if he knew I intend to bury him in the backyard as soon as it’s running.
  • Central air guy: “Did you try to repair it yourself?” Me: “NOooooo.” Him: “There’s no capacitor!” Me: “NOooooo.” (My kids taught me this).
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