- I’m married and no longer stare at boobs – it just takes my brain a few extra seconds to process what they are when they stand straight out.
- Our Spanish-speaking neighbours have yet to mow their lawn. Afraid they will ask me to ask my wife to do it because they got me drunk once.
- Central air repairman – $85/hr. Still here! He wouldn’t be so smug if he knew I intend to bury him in the backyard as soon as it’s running.
- Central air guy: “Did you try to repair it yourself?” Me: “NOooooo.” Him: “There’s no capacitor!” Me: “NOooooo.” (My kids taught me this).
