2011 – May 7 (5 minutes in to the future)

  • Secret handshake? Bah! When spooning, if I place one hand on my wife’s boob and the other on her ass – I can see 5 minutes in to the future!
  • I’m convinced, I will cause The Rapture by not first breaking apart one of my 5-year-old’s monolithic turds before flushing. It’s scary!
  • Keeping the kids quiet so that wife can sleep in… Oh! They just finished gassing up her lawnmower. WAKEY-WAKEY!
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