- If it’s gay to love choking back perfectly salted Iranian pistachios, then yes, I’m totally gay right now. So is this Iranian dude, I guess.
- Terrorists, if a woman goes down on my nipples like a badger, or if I’m made to watch plump kids eat chicken wings – I’ll tell you anything!
- In my experience, only women who do yoga understand the unnecessary pain and suffering of a man confessing to be bleaching his own asshole.
- When women ask the name of my dog, I always say, “Showemeurtits… It’s Inuit for Cooper.” Last year, one Icelandic tourist loved his name.
