2011 – October 9 (Perfectly salted Iranian pistachios)

  • If it’s gay to love choking back perfectly salted Iranian pistachios, then yes, I’m totally gay right now. So is this Iranian dude, I guess.
  • Terrorists, if a woman goes down on my nipples like a badger, or if I’m made to watch plump kids eat chicken wings – I’ll tell you anything!
  • In my experience, only women who do yoga understand the unnecessary pain and suffering of a man confessing to be bleaching his own asshole.
  • When women ask the name of my dog, I always say, “Showemeurtits… It’s Inuit for Cooper.” Last year, one Icelandic tourist loved his name.
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