2011 – September 17 (Woman with manicured nails)

  • I’m so married, when a woman with manicured nails tickles my neck while cupping my balls, I think – SPIDERS! And RELAX… you’re dreaming.
  • I will never feel fully validated and appreciated until George Clooney politely nudges me over and throws up in MY urinal.
  • I have been married for so long now that I only run my hands over my wife’s butt when they are covered in Cheeto dust.
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