2011 – September 2 (When you are at Starbucks)

  • Tip! Guys, when you are at Starbucks and you feel like you are being judged, just finish your order by asking for Magnum condoms.
  • The TV show Lost backwards… Sad people in church regretting all the stupid shit they did to get a bald dude crippled in a plane crash.
  • Please don’t cry for me! I only go to Walmart for tampons and fishing lures. And cashews and toilet paper. And to check out skin disorders.
  • At Walmart, I saw a lady put away shampoo and instead buy a scratch ticket – she won 50 bucks. It made me cry because I was about buy it.
  • When my pup is up your skirt and I say “He can smell your dog.” and you say “I don’t have pets.” I assume you are stupid or hitting on me.
  • Money went much further in the 1980s when you could peel the price stickers off milk cartons and stick them on anything you needed.
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