2012 – February 16 (Learn that one yoga pose)

  • I only need to learn that one yoga pose where I can tweet from a public bathroom without bare skin touching anything.
  • ‘Have sex with a woman that bench-presses more than me.’ (Not on my bucket list).
  • I almost talked myself out of a parking ticket today; everything was going great until I complimented the cop on her cute little moustache.
  • I’m too boastfull? Heck! I turned a catholic woman into a catholic woman that sleeps with a smile on her face… So, yeah, screw you!
  • Ladies, I don’t mean to brag, but when I go down, I don’t come up until you pull my ears. What?! Whaaaaath?!
  • My birthday – February 29th is coming up soon. I’m so excited! Instead of #FFs could you get together and buy toilet paper in bulk? Love U!
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