2012 – February 21 (I’ll eat your face)

  • I sure hope it’s the furnace behind me that whispered, “Turn around and I’ll eat your face! I dare you…” because I have to go pee soon.
  • My dog groans every time I wash my balls… The vet said that he can’t possibly remember getting neutered. Also told me to find another vet.
  • Nothing like carrying a warm bag of dog poop 3 miles and saluting your fellow bag carriers along the way.
  • I often give my wife a back rub just to put her to sleep so that I can get to the leftover chicken wings first.
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