- I sure hope it’s the furnace behind me that whispered, “Turn around and I’ll eat your face! I dare you…” because I have to go pee soon.
- My dog groans every time I wash my balls… The vet said that he can’t possibly remember getting neutered. Also told me to find another vet.
- Nothing like carrying a warm bag of dog poop 3 miles and saluting your fellow bag carriers along the way.
- I often give my wife a back rub just to put her to sleep so that I can get to the leftover chicken wings first.
