2012 – March 6 (Bigger than even a D battery)

  • I don’t mean to brag but when I’m in the mood, I’m bigger than even a D battery!
  • “Don’t trust a woman who doesn’t orgasm when tasting your decadent all-seafood Tom Yum Soup!” Thank you, grandma! R.I.P.
  • If you haven’t gotten her drunk and shaved her legs when she passed out… You only think you have been “married for a long time.”
  • A woman in a relationship who wants implants is in my opinion selfish in the way she doesn’t want her boobies bouncing floor to ceiling.
  • I have never read the TL of a female on Twitter that wouldn’t love a spanking and messy oral from George Clooney. And a high-five from me.
  • I own one pair of pajamas, and they are old… but a head easily fits through the fly – so, yeah, memories… I’m romantic like that.
  • My baby boy is not well at all. Hurts my soul. Sleeping now… Thinking about baking him cinnamon rolls but I’m afraid I’ll start lactating.
  • Our Golden knows my son is sick… Dog is staying by his side, not eating or drinking; just keeping him warm. Stupid. Freezing over here!
  • My baby boy has a fever of 104 and now he wants to play chess! Yeah, obviously delirious… There’s no way he’s beating me today either.
  • Wife and girls are skiing. I’m home with our feverish boy because I’m better at sitting around in my PJs all day and play Xbox between naps.
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