Advice: About people that have been abducted by aliens?

Dear Beerhaze,

What about people that have been abducted by aliens? There are so many of them and the come from every walk of life. There are even doctors that have been abducted by different alien species!

People can’t be making up the same stories, so aliens must be real, right?

Dear Twitching Bison Head,

I’m not sure if you actually sent me your whole email? It’s as if it starts smack in the middle of a thought. Anyway…

What about them? Clearly, there are some doctors that also need to be medicated… No, these “abductees” are not “making up the same stories” – they are merely rehashing nonsense they have read in books and seen on TV and in movies.

What about people that have been abducted and anal-probed by fairies, gnomes and magical turtles? Well, they need to be medicated too…

There is still so much to see and experience in this world… It should be unnecessary for a sane human being to feel the need to construct lame fables in their imaginary one.

Sure, it’s quite likely that there are alien life forms out there in the universe. However, rest assured, if they were advanced enought to travel here, they sure as heck wouldn’t need to sodomize a bunch of drunken rednecks to figure out the human species.

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