Advice: Always hurt to lose your virginity?

Dear Beerhaze,

Hello! My name is Sara and I live in L.A.

I’m afraid to lose my virginity! I haven’t had sex with my boyfriend yet because I’m afraid that it will hurt. I have dated my boyfriend for 9 months now and I’m running out of excuses!

I’m 23 and I haven’t had sex yet because the idea of pain freaks me out!

Does it always hurt to lose your virginity?

Dear Demonic Boombox,

It hurt like a son of a bitch for me when I lost my virginity because my girlfriend was a face biter. However, it was all very much worth it!

Billions of women have lost their virginity and produced offspring throughout history… The experience was I’m sure, very different for each and every one. It’s one of those passages of life that all women will have to go through eventually.

Will it hurt for you? I have no freaking idea… So many different factors play in to the experience. When it will hurt for sure:

  1. Your boyfriend is hung like a donkey.
  2. Your boyfriend goes at you like a puppy on a pillow.
  3. Your boyfriend has no freaking clue what he’s doing.
  4. Your boyfriend has long toenails.
  5. Your boyfriend screams out another woman’s name…

Surely, you must have a ladyfriend that can give you a few pointers? You live in L.A. for God’s sake – hardly a magical realm of purity and virginity!

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