Advice: Ask my boyfriend to shave his head?

Dear Beerhaze,

I don’t know why, but bald men have always been a turn-on for me. I have recently started seeing this incredible man but the problem is that he has dark, thick, curly hair. Everything about him is perfect, except that he isn’t bald.

How do I ask my boyfriend to shave his head? I don’t want to upset him but I don’t think I can have intimate relations with a man with a full head of hair.

Serious advice only please!

Dear Crack Sludge,

Can’t he wear a hat or a bathing cap when you hit the sack? Asking a dude to shave his head in order to get laid might not work out all that great.

How about if you get him naked and handcuffed to your bed… Then, shave his head and screw his brains out? If you are able to leave his brains on the pillow – he will forgive anything!

Does he have to be bald right off the bat? In time, he will start going bald and turn even more incredible and perfect… You can speed up the balding process by marrying him, and then start nagging, bitching and moaning continuously about insignificant shit.

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