Advice: Ask my girlfriend for pee sex?

Dear Beerhaze,

I want my girlfriend to pee on me but I don’t know how to ask her? She’s very white collar and I’m as blue as can be. I’m not sure how to ask her without it sounding weird?

How do I ask my girlfriend for pee sex?

Dear Rain Dancer,

No matter what words are used, your girlfriend needs to be as open as an elephant mommy that just gave birth to a huge elephant baby! White or Blue Collar (or Yellow for that matter) it takes a very open woman to call it a “sex act”. You do realize that, right?

As a general rule: Anything the bum living in the bus shelter down the street will do to you if you pass out drunk there is not normally called a sex act. A bum peeing on you is a bum peeing on you… You don’t really need a girlfriend if pee gets you off… Simply pretend to fall asleep in a bus shelter.

About asking her… How about, “Honey, would you mind very much drinking a gallon of Schweppes Club Soda and squatting over me? Pretty please? Pretty pees?”

You could try waiting for a special occasion, such as your birthday… after dinner… and before showers and brushing of teeth.

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