Advice: Being yourself the best way to go to find a girlfriend?

Dear Beerhaze,

I’ve been looking for love without success.

I always let the real me be very accessible, thinking that eventually I’d meet somebody who appreciated for who I am. It hasn’t happened yet.

I’m starting to wonder if I should hide more of the real me… Perhaps I can be more successful in love if I pretend to be somebody I’m not? That seems to be the strategy most people take. Is being yourself the best way to go to find a girlfriend?

Dear Crispy Cheese Moose

All relationship experts will tell you that being yourself is the best way to find true love… I disagree! Your life will be so much more interesting, and you will meet people you normally wouldn’t if you pretend to be someone else when out “looking”.

You having no luck what so ever with your current persona probably means that there is something wrong with you. Isn’t possible that you are an utterly boring and uninteresting individual as your “true” self? Pretending to be someone (or something) else is not only fun, it’s also a great way to learn about yourself, form new ideas, and evolve as a human being. What is “true self” anyway but a person minus all the crazy (interesting) things he or she does when drunk or wired on double espressos?

It’s important when acting out another persona, to pick one that doesn’t have any stigmas or expectations. It will also be less stressful for you as you can do as you wish, and no one will be able to question your integrity. Seriously, how many people have ever met a raccoon massage therapist or teepee designer? Wouldn’t you like to meet one?

Other interesting personas that are easy to act out:

  1. Goat psychiatrist.
  2. Exorcist of good spirits.
  3. Bear tamer.
  4. Bra inspector.
  5. Afghan rock importer.
  6. Professional croquet player.
  7. Lap dance choreographer.
  8. Bad faith healer.
  9. Astronaut tickler.
  10. Slow motion tap dancer.
  11. Leprechaun spanker.
  12. Dreadlock twirler.
  13. Leather skirt polisher.
  14. Mongolian upper lip painter.
  15. Butt crack historian.

Pick one of these personas and go for it! Once you get married you can always abandon the fake persona and go back to being the boring you, just like everyone else.

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