Advice: Charlize Theron sexier than Angelina Jolie?


Dear Beerhaze,

Is Charlize Theron sexier than Angelina Jolie?

Dear Cheese Loaf,

Why are you asking? Are you trying have a sexual fantasy but you can’t make up your mind as to what you should whack off?

How about including both these lovely ladies in your fantasies? I’ll get you started…

Imagine a warm sweaty mid July day in Africa. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are baby shopping again… This time in a small jungle village as they are looking to complement their ever-growing herd of kids with something dark-brown, sinewy and tough.

While walking through the village, checking, and trying out different kids, they end up in a hut like no other: it has a stripper pole in the middle of the room. From the pole hangs a sweat-drenched Charlize Theron, naked and stoned out of her mind. Her breasts are glistening like two greased up watermelons because she’s not only sweaty: she has clearly been drooling all over herself for hours.

“I want her!”, says Angelina while pointing a shaking finger at Charlize. “That bitch is too old and pale for us…” Brad groans, while grabbing his wife’s arm in an attempt to lead her our of the hut. Angelina shakes of her husbands grip, and grabs his arm and forces him down on the ground, and then she snaps his neck, as easily as he had been nothing more than an over-sized wafer.

Charlize nods her head in approval and licks the sweat off her eyebrows, “Aiiisha lavhaa zeeehga hjooo nikked twohooo” she mumbles. Angelina squirms out of her hazmat suit and the cling-wrap that she has been wearing - her boobs don’t sag for more than a foot. She seductively walks up to the stripper pole with her boobs bobbing like Jell-O filled condoms, filled to the brink of bursting. She then brings out a bowling pin and a hula hoop from seemingly nowhere, “Meet George and Oprah…” she says, with her nipples now as erect and hard as two Prince Edward Island potatoes.

And the rest is up to you…

Enjoy and have fun!

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