Advice: Die from being away from your love?


Dear Beerhaze,

I’m 23 and she’s 38, and currently away on a business trip for another week. We just moved in to our house a couple of months ago and I feel lonely.

We live in a quiet Colorado town, which now feels dead to me. I miss her terribly! When I look out the kitchen window at the mountains, all I see is emptiness when she’s away. The empty space only reminds me of how far apart we are.

It feels like my heart is broken, or breaking apart. It feels like I’m dying when she’s away. Can you die from being away from your love?

There’s nothing that will keep me occupied… nothing but bad TV shows on, and DVD movies I have seen many times. I wish she would marry me, so we could have kids to help cure the boredom.

Dear Man Muppet,

Yes, you can die from being away from your love by getting too full of yourself and then accidentally walking in front of a garbage truck. Come on, dude… You don’t need kids to cure your boredom – you need a freaking hobby!

Trust me, there will be a time (if she doesn’t get fed up with your pathetic whining before then) where you will cherish the moments when she’s out of the house – preferably on another continent.

Grow a pair!

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