Advice: Does that make her my girlfriend?

Dear Beerhaze,

I fingered my first girl today; does that make her my girlfriend?

My mom says it means nothing, but my sister says it means everything. Who do I believe? What do you think it means?

Dear C-Minor,

I’m so, very, sorry! It means that your finger will turn black and fall off, because that’s what happens when you fool around in trailer parks, and discuss it in detail with your mom and sister.

Always remember that you need at least one finger on one of your hands to play the banjo.

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