Advice: Get an erection after I drink alcohol?

Dear Beerhaze,

Why can’t I get an erection after I drink alcohol? It supposedly happens a lot when guys drink?

The other night I had 5 or 6 beers, only enough to give me a small buzz, but still I was unable to perform. She told me not feel bad and that it’s quite common. It’s probably true but why does it happen after only a couple of beers?

Dear Wishful Raddish,

You have a serious problem! Alcohol is one of the best ways to help relationships along. You holding your liquor like a schoolgirl is not going to help you contract venereal diseases or get revolving door-chicks pregnant. It will also prevent you from ever being the cool drunk guy with the odd speech impediment and monstrous hard-on.

No, sorry, it doesn’t happen to all guys. It’s just you… She was being nice to you. If I were you, I would seriously consider marrying her. Your lady friend got naked for nothing and didn’t snap your neck… Wow! I guess she wasn’t Canadian, eh?

The easiest solution is to not drink on those nights where you hope to bring out your Twinkie.

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