Advice: Have you ever experienced tragic love?

Dear Beerhaze,

Have you ever experienced tragic love? I mean, like real, real love that didn’t work out for you?

Dear Satanic Bear Hug,

I dated this well-groomed and obedient girl named Nicole a couple of years ago before she told me that “we should start seeing other people…” and three days later she married a Tuba player from Norway. I was devastated when she moved to Scandinavia – I was madly in love with her!

The marriage to Buttnar didn’t work out, so she came back to Canada a year later. Nicole sought me out, and again we dated, this time only for a couple of days before she started talking about “needing some space…” Her second marriage was to Pablo; one of the wealthiest Guinea Pig milk producers in Peru, but that didn’t work out either… She came back to me yet again!

To make a very long story short, Nicole has now been married seventeen times, and she has come back to me after each divorce. Through the years we have had an amazing three months together, but it’s been over between us for a couple of years now as she has completely lost her charms. In fact, she looks like she has been savagely ravaged by polar bears.

It’s so sad… and all very tragic…

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