Advice: How do I deal with my girlfriend’s dog?

Dear Beerhaze,

My girlfriend’s German Shepherd hates me! It’s always growling at me when I visit. She refuses to put the dog in the other room; and just says that “he” has to get to know me first.

It’s a big dog and it scares the crap out of me. How do I deal with my girlfriend’s dog?

Dear Tw0 Knuckle,

As you don’t care for dogs, try bacon… lots and lost of bacon! He might get the shits but that should slow him down too. If you wish to make him respect instead of like you – blow in his face (but first brush your teeth with tiger urine).

You’ll make friends with anything and anyone if you have bacon.

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